Hi!
So, your dad and I are adopting,
not one kid but 200 kids.
They belong to a school for orphans, a little outside koorg.
It's just perfect for our family.
Now, we'll visit bengaluru more often.
So, vasudha, dhruv, kavanya, you're the first to be invited
for our first official day.
Alexa, play some carnatic music.
- Hi, febin. Good morning. - 'Hi, ma'am. Good morning.'
febin, can you please get us the client's specs
on the new fresh account, please?
Phone...
Fuck...
Okay. So, as soon as you know, just let me know
because I need to close that out today.
Dhruv, please don't be late today for Kay's parent-teacher meeting.
Okay. I'll see you there.
You like hiding here, don't you?
Is there anything I'm missing?
No, it looks pretty good. Okay.
Hi, selvi. - Hello.
Bye, selvi.
What a brother! Vasu will not forget.
Hi, selvi.
- Good morning. - Okay. Bye, selvi.
What kind of siblings they are!
'Welcome back.'
'this is rj swag, and today, we're gonna celebrate a very special day.'
'and that is raksha bandhan.'
'so, if you wish to send...'
- oh, shit! - 'A special message to someone, '
'to your brother or sister, '
'or if you wish to dedicate...'
you can charge me extra.
The guy I was supposed to meet changed the venue.
Sir, how do I drive and change the destination?
Oh, shit! This year too!
Yes, this year too.
Anyway, we are not that kind of siblings.
Yes, we are best friends.
Akku, I watched gayatri's video this morning.
So scary, man!
She's just playing mind games.
We'll deal with them when they come.
Till then, let them just cruise and stay out of our lives.
But what if they moved here?
I haven't told them about my marital status yet.
Gayatri will go mad, man!
Obviously, that's gayatri.
Anyway, Chuck it. Let's catch up in the evening.
We'll celebrate rakhi in our style.
Okay. Bye.
Bye.
Hey! Max? - Hey, akhil.
- How are you? - Good. Nice to meet you.
Nice to finally meet you.
I lost 30 minutes because of the change in the location.
I'm sorry about this last minute change
because I went there a little early,
but I didn't get the right vibe there.
Vibe!
Okay.
Akhil, listen. Just like today's moving-therapy,
sessions at different locations.
It's all about movement. That's the thing.
Anyway,
tell me what you really want to talk about.
Yeah, so,
I'm the cto and co-founder of this dating app called kechup.
I have two profiles on the app.
One is real, my real self,
and the other one is my packaged profile.
Because of my packaged profile, my casual sex life is great.
But my real profile,
no girl swipes on it by mistake or even in desperation.
I mean, nobody likes the real me,
and I know that.
So, let's just get down to business.
My parents are horrendous.
Well, off late, I have been
thinking about my childhood.
You see, I was an overweight kid.
And I absolutely hated it.
On top of it, my dad used to call me podgy.
Podgy.
Stomach in.
Why did he do that? - Dad!
He had started some businesses.
But they all failed one after another.
So, he went full spiritual
and became a stay-at-home guru and a part-time dad.
And so he feels life is a mirage.
You know, illusion.
I guess he took the high road to cope with his failures.
So, his kids' problems were a joke to him.
So, your mother, tell me about her.
Gayatri!
She is an overachiever, workaholic
and she is quite proud of being the breadwinner too.
You know she was a marketing genius.
So, she doesn't accept anything less than perfect.
She was all about performing.
But you know, my mom and dad are two peas in a pod.
You know, like Laurel and Hardy,
Hitler and himmler, Bonnie and Clyde, they are a gang.
And my sister, who is my best friend,
tried her best to get mom's approval.
But I rebelled.
But before you ask me about my sister,
she is going through a midlife crisis.
I jumped off a ledge.
Everyone thought I did it as I was rejected from the football team.
But, no, I was... I was hopeless.
It was a suicide, but no one called it that.
The survival was more traumatic for me.
Then dad started taking me to spiritual discourses every day
by assuring me that I needed it.
'Everything will be fine when you become spiritual.'
Hey, doc.
Why is the guy sitting at your 9 o'clock
staring at me like this? It's weird.
He is my 11 am. - Oh!
It's 11 am.
Okay. I think that's our first session done.
- Cool! - So, you let me know about the next one.
You can make an online payment.
And just schedule the next one, and let me know.
Sounds good.
- Have a nice day. - Nice talking to you. Thanks.
Good morning.
And remember,
life... keep moving.
How are we today?
Good morning, sir.
Just saying it doesn't make my morning good.
Taking your medicines that you had prescribed me.
But I don't know. It's not working now.
Not only this... on top of that,
my wife is after me...
- Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Khattar. - Hello.
This is kavanya's marksheet.
I think she is consistently good.
But this is not at par with her potential.
I think she is losing focus.
There is still time for a 9 grade,
but I think, with a little bit of heart and dedication,
she can do much better.
It's certainly not something to laugh about
that your daughter is losing focus.
Now, I know where she gets it from.
No.
Of course, sir. I'll speak to her.
Thank you.
- Hi! We are kavanya's parents. - Hi!
Kavanya is a good girl.
Of late, she's taking a lot of interest in athletics,
which is a good thing.
You should be happy. - Yeah.
I wonder how that happened.
But athletics is good.
Absolutely.
In fact, I encourage everyone to play sports.
It's a really important thing to do.
You look like you've played a lot of sports. But do you run,
do marathon running, something like that?
No, I'd love to, but I don't get time to do all that.
Time for sports is time for yourself.
Yeah.
Yeah. - Hello, sir.
Yeah. - 6 pm again today?
I just wanted to confirm.
Yeah, 6 pm sharp.
I'll see you.
Alright. So, I was...
Alright. So, I've created a group for all the parents
to update them on the marathon preparations.
If you want to give me your number, I'll add you.
Sure. - So...
Shall I...
Alright. Okay. - Okay.
Vasu.
Vasu. Alright.
He seems nice. - Nice?
A doofus amongst idiots!
What do you mean?
Among the teachers here, even he might stand out.
He was in his pyjamas. Who does that in a school?
- Such a wannabe he is! - I don't get your point.
The point is, we were both standing there,
but he preferred talking to you, not me.
Dhruv.
- I'm getting late. - You weren't getting late there.
Now, you're getting late!
He's Kay's teacher, dhruv.
Oh, but assistants, teachers,
you don't discriminate. I forgot.
That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
I don't have time for this right now, dhruv.
Just listen to me. - Okay. No.
I have to go. I'm busy. I'm late.
Please. Bye. - Vasu.
Right.
Okay. I'm here...
Oh, made it.
Are you kidding me?
I rushed here
to wait for satvik!
Fuck! He's such a pain in the ass!
Oh! He's such a pain in the ass!
Is he a man or a sour burp after having junk food?
At least the burps ease an upset stomach.
Is he a man...
Please spare me.
He texted us saying, "I'm on my way."
As you can see, I have sent you the reports
of the financials of kechup for the last 2-3 years.
Hmm. I'm just checking your email.
Hey, akhil.
Come in. Have a seat. - Hey.
You know all about akhil, of course.
That's janardhan chudasama, jc for short.
Hey!
I'm akhil, for short as well.
I'd sent you an email.
So, this is jc.
Jc has been an investor with ten years in the valley.
He just recently moved back to be with his family.
Now, here is the thing.
He is looking to invest in a start-up
and hopefully, come on board as a ceo.
He thinks there is great potential in the future of kechup.
So, I went through the deck.
Look, man, if I were you,
I would be stressed.
Trust me, I am stressed out.
Also, kechup has been in the top five of all dating apps across regions, right?
But the big breakthrough hasn't come yet.
Now, I see that as five years of not reaching the number one spot.
Nice. - So,
I have used kechup and the other apps.
Right now, it's two on five,
which is worrying.
Yes, we are working on the algo.
No, you're right. It is very worrying.
Look, what I can do is, I can send you
some possibilities on algo rework.
Now, I had to beg this programmer, Dennis, to consult on this.
Now, his source codes are near perfect.
Unlike yours, that look like you guys are still whiteboarding, man.
Yeah, algo is something...
It's my thing.
See, right now, we are on code review.
And once we get to coding bootcamp, we'll fix this baby, right?
Glad.
So, how about just taking an opinion from the best guy in the business?
- Yeah. - What's the hold up? Right?
Yeah, of course.
Look,
plan b, guys, is everything in life.
In my life, everything has worked out on plan b.
Thank god, my marriage wasn't one of them.
Happy rakhi, guys!
Seriously, today is so 'rocky'!
I went broke. Do you want to know how?
Look, I have two sisters,
nine cousins and thirteen foster sisters,
out of which one is divorced.
As she is divorced, I had to give her some extra money.
Ended up spending rs 200,000.
Did you guys come here early?
Did your siblings throw you out?
You asked us to be here at 9:45 am for a client meeting.
Oh, shit!
Didn't I tell you that the call was rescheduled to 2 pm?
As it is, you don't need to attend the call.
I'll handle it.
What?
You could have texted me.
We've all been waiting here like idiots for the last two hours!
Why are you turning into an angry Indian goddess?
Today is rakhi.
Just like you're staying with your brother,
I have to take care of my sisters too.
By the way, you want to be my sister?
Sorry, no vacancy.
Next year. Contact next year.
Satvik. - Yes.
Do you know what's so funny
about your pathetic jokes?
What? - It's not the jokes,
it's you.
The joke is on you.
You're the joke.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Satvik.
Satvik, who?
Not-at-all-funny satvik, that's who!
What's wrong with this crazy lady?
Is she suffering from a multiple personality disorder?
- There.
That again... not funny.
You sent a text to our office group at 11 pm saying, 'urgent!'
'my son has pooped and is playing in it.'
seriously?
Why would we be interested to know that your son has learned to say,
'thank you, pappa.'
I wish he learnt to say, 'shut the fuck up, pappa!'
sir, how could she talk like this...
And you, 'definitely devang!'
you're the office's biggest ass-licking yes-man, right?
You know what? I quit this shit.
I am done. I am getting the hell out of here.
Now, you can do whatever you want.
One more thing. If you ever call any woman helpless,
I'll make your comment go viral.
After that, you will be trolled so hard on social media
that it will be hard for you to step out of your house.
Idiot!
That's gonna happen, definitely.
Satvik sir!
Are you a man or a broom?
But you know what, guys? Even a broom is useful.
I quit, too.
It's my company. How can I quit?
Vasu, wait.
I quit, too. I'm coming with you.
What? - Yeah.
Fatty.
I am not sure about my future.
I was just sick of it all. So I quit in a fit of rage.
It was so cool, babe. You were amazing.
And I don't need this fucking job.
We've suffered a lot here. We'll manage.
Let's go.
So, what do you think about our office?
About that...
Well, let's change the vibe of this teenagers' playroom.
See you, man. At least, they should have had a PlayStation.
Thanks, jc.
Teenagers' playroom!
What is this, mr zip-zap-zoom?
Did you hear what he said? Huh?
Starting with two people,
we've made it into a company with a few hundred thousand users.
But if we want to aim for million-plus users,
then we can't use the same logic. Deal with it.
I have been telling you for months that I'm stressed out about kechup.
This is not about you and me and our feelings.
It's about this. It's about the company.
But who is he? Elon musk's nephew?
You see him in our company?
Plus, he'll invest on the condition of becoming the ceo.
Come on, panku. He is after your job, dude.
If that's what it takes to save kechup, so be it.
Are you serious?
Thank you. - Welcome, sir.
Akhil! Are you following me?
No, my office is just around the corner.
Ah... - May I?
Well,
I'm so sorry about your fees.
Look, if you weren't happy with...
Here you go. - Thank you.
If you weren't happy with the session,
you can tell me. I can handle it.
No, no. It was fine... it was fine.
Actually, no.
I was confused
whether it was a therapy session or having coffee with a friend.
Now that we are friends, but...
I wasn't actually going to text you for another session.
And I was going to make the payment after two reminders.
Well, the thing is, akhil,
people expect us therapists to be perfect, right?
Because they come to us with their imperfections.
But sometimes, they can't accept
that we also have those imperfections.
We've just figured out hacks not to get affected by it, right?
And to manage these imperfections, which is what you're doing,
is a very big step.
Because after all, life is imperfect.
Strangely I feel better after hearing this.
Listen, drop the payment.
I'll recommend a senior therapist to you.
No, I can...
Totally work with a therapist like you
who makes mistakes and is human.
I mean, it's so damn comforting.
Listen, office is good, effective and boring.
Great. So, you wanna schedule me in next week for a session
- at your boring office? - Yeah, sure.
Okay. Thanks.
Doc, see you soon. - Sure.
Ila!
Akhil! Hey!
Ready?
I thought there will be a nice cafe around here somewhere.
You want to go trekking?
Don't worry. I'll carry you if it comes to that.
- Yeah, but I hate exercise. - I know.
You mentioned on your profile that you hate exercise.
You know you're the first girl who swiped right on that profile.
That profile? That means you have other profiles too.
Yeah, long story.
Well, long trek as well.
Tell me about it. Walk and talk.
How high do we have to go?
40 minutes.
Fuck my life.
Not so fast.
Careful. - Thank you.
Shall I carry you?
No, I am sweaty.
Here, take my sweat.
That should break the sweat between us.
Fuck. This is not a typical date.
So, it's good, right?
I didn't want to do anything typical.
Have an awkward conversation on your first date.
Then talk on the phone after going home.
After that, go on your second date thinking
if you want the third date or not.
Because if you make it to the third date,
the expectations increase.
Then you'll wonder whether to have sex or not.
I can't do so many calculations, man.
Eventually, we're going to do it. So, let's do it now.
Have you ever met someone
and felt how special they were
on your first meeting?
But I think you've met such a person.
Yup.
Me. - Yup.
I think there is some vibe between us.
Some vibe!
No, I don't think you're hot.
Nor am I imagining you in my bed...
No, there is no vibe.
And I'm not thinking of us having sex in like ten minutes.
- So, did it open your chakra? - So, did it open your chakra?
Yes, it did.
But then I did something stupid.
Anyway, it opened the chakra, right?
Yes.
Did you come here to thank us?
No... I mean, thank you, yes.
Guys, I really love enso.
And I know you're looking for a manager, right?
Hmmm.
So, can I manage enso?
I mean, I haven't done anything like this before.
But... - Yes.
But instead of salary, you have the option of sharing profit.
Yeah, I mean, that's totally fine.
But I really feel I can really make a difference here.
I mean, I love art. - You do.
I couldn't pursue it seriously earlier.
But I think enso really has potential.
We can market it.
I mean, I haven't marketed anything before.
So, are you trying to sell yourself for this job
or not sell yourself?
Shit! I blew it, right?
No, not at all. It's endearing.
But you're on.
As it is, we don't have too many candidates.
Really? - Yes.
Just like that? - Yes.
But let's make one thing clear.
It all depends on the next two months.
Then we'll have the exhibition, end of an era.
If that works, great.
And if it doesn't,
end of an era, end of enso.
Both might happen. - No, no...
I can do it. I can save enso.
I mean, I think I can.
I don't know, but...
So, I guess, welcome aboard.
That's great.
Oh, but I have an assistant
with me.
Fatty! - Fatty!
We love fatty. - We love fatty.
Thank you. - Welcome.
Well, your kisses are not as boring as your profile.
I become more boring after taking my clothes off.
Let me.
I'm ready for more.
Oh, shit! Sorry, guys.
Who was it?
Krish. - Krish!
I thought you were living alone.
No, I live with my boyfriend, Krish.
Boyfriend?
I have mentioned it on my profile, right?
Open relationship.
It was my turn today. I think Krish forgot about it.
We do this on different days to avoid a situation like this.
I thought you wanted to be in an open relationship.
No, I am in an open relationship.
Is that a problem?
No, of course, not.
I really like you. Wait. I do have a problem.
I'm sorry... I'm sorry...
I'm really into you. I'm really sorry.
You, me, him...
I don't know. I thought I could do it, but...
On any other day, I would.
But I don't know...
That guy and you and me...
And... - Akhil.
Ila.
I gotta go.
Akhil, your bag.
Oh, fuck! - Oh, god!
Are you okay? - I gotta go.
But Krish left.
I... well... I...
Poor selvi had high hopes from us, sis.
That we'd have a typical rakhi moment today.
But little did she know
- that we're anti-middle class rakhi! - Correct.
We aren't that kind of siblings.
This is who we are!
Cheers. - Cheers.
Strange girl.
I am not sure about her.
Kay has left these cookies for us.
Kay...
She's such a good girl.
And she went to bed on time today.
Sometimes, you know, these things make you wonder!
Maybe I'm not such a bad mother, dude!
No, ma'am!
Hi, grandma! How are you?
Perfect.
What are you doing?
Nothing. I was just gonna start studying.
A messy desk makes a messy mind. You know that.
You didn't update me about your grades.
Oh, you and grandpa were relaxing on the cruise.
So, I didn't wanna bother you.
What rubbish?
You know I hate relaxing.
Did you talk to your mom and dad about your applications?
Mom will just confuse me.
Vasudha is always so indecisive.
You know, I quit my job today.
You quit? - Yes.
And I also got a new job.
Got one too? - Yep.
Enso. - Enso!
New guy?
- No, it's the name of the gallery. - Fuck!
But it's got a good vibe, man!
I have to manage that gallery.