[cell phone ringing]
Hello.
Good morning, sir. Jasmine this side.
Hi, Jasmine Desai.
No, sir. Jasmine this side, sir.
Oh, Arya this side.
Sir, I just wanted to speak to you
about our prearranged call with the Hong Kong branch.
Oh, crap. I'm so sorry. I completely forgot.
-[laughing] -Can you give me five minutes?
[Jasmine] But it'll not take more than a minute of your time, sir.
All you need to do is key in a pin, that's all, sir.
-[chuckles] I just got out of the sauna. -[cameras flashing]
I'm all wet and… Hey, what are you guys doing?
[in Hindi] What are you doing? Don't you see, sir is naked.
Why are you taking photos? Go away.
[in English] Sir, do you want fresh towel?
No, why?
[cell phone camera flashing]
Hey, well, let's do this quickly.
-Sir, this is very inappropriate behavior. -Why? What happened?
Sir, you cannot speak to a lady without clothes.
Why are you not wearing any clothes?
You are not wearing any clothes, sir.
-But I'm this side. -But, sir, I know you're naked.
But you can't see me. I'm this side.
This is absolutely inappropriate. I'm going to complain.
Arya, one minute.
This feels like Macbeth.
The witches scene?
You can't walk around naked in the locker room.
There are little boys who share the space.
Bhumika, I'm well within my rights to be naked inside the men's locker room.
It's the end of childhood for my boys, seeing you like that.
What did they see?
All this toxic masculinity.
What great calamity will happen if you wrap a towel around yourself?
Uh, it's just a matter of convenience. Not very complicated.
Now imagine I'm wearing a thick towel,
and then I'm trying to wear an underwear, and I…
Just think about it. You know, it's… Can you imagine the scene?
[Bhumika] Disgusting.
[comical music playing]
-[inaudible] -[soft music playing on speakers]
[inaudible]
[Mayank] Tell me something.
Why do you think Netflix asked for a video conference so suddenly?
How do I know?
[sighs] Cool. Hey, I think Masha looks really hot in the hospital gown.
All women look gorgeous in the hospital gown.
-Especially if they're healthy. -She's very healthy. [chuckles]
Has Masha contacted you after that?
-No, she's not talking to me yet. -Obviously.
What kind of a guy gives his girlfriend a gold chain
and then screws it all up by saying it's just for sex.
Arya, a man cannot be himself and also get sex.
He has to choose.
Mmm.
Does Shruti know about Masha?
I don't think so. Hey, that reminds me.
Shruti and I would like to officially invite you to our decoupling party.
[Mayank] Oh.
-Yeah. Weekend, Goa. -[Agni] Wow.
-[Mayank] Decoupling party means? -[inaudible]
We're actually making our separation official.
We're going to celebrate our divorce.
Oh, you should have a ceremony. A decoupling ceremony.
-[Arya] We're having a ceremony. -[Agni] Yeah?
We're all gonna get dressed up as bride and bridegroom.
Then we're going to go around the fire, but this time backwards.
No, you should just fling your wedding rings at each other.
-Ah. -You should have the first night.
You should both fuck other people.
In the same room?
Why does Netflix want to meet?
Who knows? Maybe they want us to subscribe.
-[Agni chuckles] -Will you please be serious?
The most corrupt thing about you as a creative person
is that you're desperate to do well.
She keeps on mailing me, asking so many questions.
She keeps on saying,
"Joke's not landing. The joke's not landing, Mayank."
You think women don't find us funny anymore?
-That's not good for our business. -No.
And what is with women in television nowadays, huh?
They're just everywhere.
They've taken over the industry, and that too right atop.
-Reema? -Exactly. Case in point.
No. Uh, Reema.
Uh…
-Reema. -[Arya] Hi, Reema.
-Hi. -Oh, uh…
-Can you hear me now? -Yeah.
-Yes. Hello. -Hi, guys.
-How long have you been listening to us? -Long enough.
[softly] Oh, shit.
Listen, let me get straight to the point, okay?
The scenes that you sent, they just don't work.
The humor is… Yes, Mayank, "just not landing."
I mean, really, guys, the whole thing is too offensive.
You cannot say these things anymore. It's not like we're in the 20th century.
[grunts]
Let's do something serious then.
Um… [sighs]
Listen, let me just revert on that later.
Hey, Reema.
Revert doesn't mean what Indians think it means.
Uh, it doesn't mean to get back.
It means to put things back in the original state.
Revert means whatever Netflix thinks it means.
[chuckles]
Reema, we'll…
Hey, hello?
Hello? Reema?
Reema…
Did her image just freeze or is she just pissed?
Maybe she's just pretending. She wants to hear what we talk about.
[both chuckles]
[Reema] I'll get back--
-Guys… -[laughing]
-Come on. No… -[speaking Hindi indistinctly]
[Shruti in English] We're thinking of throwing a divorce party.
A "decoupling" party.
To show Rohini that, uh, divorce doesn't make Mama sad.
-Hmm. -That Mama's gonna have a blast.
-Divorce is happy. -Yes.
-Mama's happy. -All of this, yes.
-Are you happy? -No.
Mmm.
So where are you having this un-coupling party?
Goa. [sighs]
I'll be there. I love Goa.
And after the party,
you're going to have sex with a hot, young man.
You deserve a high-class male escort.
Oh, no. [chuckles]
I have to pay for sex now?
-[television chimes] -Really? It's come to that?
[sighing]
Sandy.
How much?
He can also knowledgeably talk about six subjects,
play the violin, sing,
and give a massage.
Is he gay?
He's a rare gigolo who's not gay.
And he'll give you a well-deserved bonking.
I don't think gigolos have female clients.
Only men pay for sex.
For a girl, sex is free.
You mean husband sex? Ugh!
When you pay nothing, you get what you paid for.
-He's here. -No, I don't bring my meat here.
[whispers] Arya. He's here.
Just relax. No one's here.
This is just your feminine guilt
which has been drilled into you by society.
[Arya] Hi.
I'm sorry, I wouldn't have been late if I took counseling seriously.
Who's that?
-Her cousin. -My nephew.
[clears throat]
Arya, I'll come straight to the point.
We're here to discuss when and how you will break the news to your daughter.
[Arya] Hmm.
Thank you.
[sentimental female vocalizing]
She's a battered woman.
I rescued her.
Do you have her permission to reveal that she's a battered woman?
Yes, I'm also counseling her.
Ah.
Uh, you counselors fascinate me.
So what makes you think that you can counsel people?
You have to know so much about a person's pain
before you can give them even a little bit of advice, right?
Well, I am a trained professional trauma counselor.
I also take care of animals in distress.
Wow.
So much pain in your life.
-So much pain in the world. -True.
So you must be waking up every morning and thinking about all the pain
in the lives of all the people and the animals?
[sentimental female vocalizing]
[Arya] Thank you.
[Jwala inhales deeply]
-What? -So do you enjoy it?
Enjoy what?
I keep thinking that the people in the trauma industry--
I'm sorry. What did you call it? "Trauma industry"?
[laughing]
Wow. [sniffles]
Oh! I'm sorry. You were saying something.
[sighs] So I have a feeling that a lot of people are in this business
because they like to be close to the pain and suffering of other people.
-Maybe it comforts them. -Are you calling me a sadist?
See what he does?
He just walks in and fucks with your brains.
Okay, then, we've gotta go.
Told you my parents are coming.
Well, it's nice that you still have a lot of good people in your life.
[Shruti] Yep. Kind of worried.
Dad suddenly called and said he's coming.
-It's so not like him. -Mmm.
Maybe one of those good people in her life is dying.
[Surinder coughing]
Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry.
-[coughs] -You're okay, Papa?
Grandpa, what will be your life's age rating?
Sorry, I didn't understand, child.
[in Hindi] Ro, why are you troubling Grandpa, baby?
[in English] It's okay. [in Hindi] Let her trouble me.
[in English] Yeah. Let her bother him. You never know.
"Never know"? Never know what?
You never know what tomorrow holds.
[softly] Arya.
[in normal voice] There is too much tension in this room.
Can I eat in my room and watch something, please?
Okay. Go.
Wow.
Are you all right?
This is how women in Saudi Arabia must have felt when they were allowed to drive.
-[Surinder laughing] -I think you better leave
before she changes her mind.
Yeah.
Sir, I think you should try LSD.
Did you say LSD?
-[Arya] Yeah, acid. -Why?
[huffs]
[chuckles sarcastically]
[Arya] In some countries,
you're legally allowed to use LSD in clinics.
It's an antidepressant for people who are terminally ill.
[whispers] Arya.
Do you think I'm dying?
[inaudible]
[in Hindi] What do you think, why have I come here? Hmm?
[sighs] You know that your brother is useless.
He lost a lot of money.
Restaurants, films, now he is starting a startup.
That's why I am changing my will.
I'm giving him everything.
-[in English] After me. -Oh.
[in Hindi] He will need it, otherwise he'll end up on the streets.
You are doing fine, touch wood.
[in English] What do you mean [in Hindi] "doing fine"?
[in English] I quit my job, Papa, to start my new firm.
And we're struggling too.
[in Hindi] What struggle? You have such a big house.
Your husband is such a successful novelist.
Aren't you? Yes?
-[in English] We're separating. -Huh?
-What? -Yeah.
You heard that right. We're getting a divorce.
[angrily in Hindi] I told you. [in English] He is wrong for Shruti.
[in Hindi] Why are you blaming me?
[in English] I just said that he's such a bad writer that he might succeed.
No wonder he's a walking family-planning ad
to his own father-in-law.
-[in Hindi] Ugh! -[Arya] "Ugh"?
[in English] I did it for you.
No, I'm generally saying "ugh."
I'm not saying "ugh" to you.
And I also told you that he's from a mad family.
Papa!
[Madhu] So, Shruti…
Now you'll get on Tinder and start dating other divorcees?
Relax, Mom.
Arya is still my best friend, and we've decided that
[in Hindi] we'll continue living in the same house, for Rohini's sake.
One second. That means…
[in English] Actually you've fallen out of love with your husband.
And yet you are going to stay in the same house under the same roof
for the sake of the child.
But that's called marriage.
[jazz music playing]
So I see what's going on.
[chuckles]
[in Hindi] I changed my will, she changed her life story.
She takes after you. Clever.
You made up this divorce drama on the fly.
Aren't you ashamed to say this?
-[in English] Hey-- -One second, Arya.
You're saying I faked my own divorce for a bloody Juhu apartment,
two small flats in Powai, three crores in Franklin Templeton hybrid funds,
and two fixed deposits in Mathura Corporate Bank at 14% interest?
Wow!
Hey, Shruti, you don't need their money.
Just remember, all that is mine is yours. Seriously.
-That's very sweet, Arya. -Yeah.
But I'm not letting go of my inheritance.
Okay, stop this acting!
I feel like I'm in some Ayushmann Khurrana film!
Shh!
[in Hindi] Please don't tell Rohini about this, she doesn't know.
How will she know, you just made it up.
Who else doesn't know about it?
[Shruti and Madhu shushes]
[in English] You all have been silent all this while?
[comical music playing]
[Shruti] See you at Jwala's, Mom.
[in Hindi] When you're standing together like this, you look great.
[in English] Bye, Mom.
Drama. All drama.
You're telling her right now, Arya.
-No, wait-- -No, I'm not waiting, Arya.
You know my mom can't keep a secret, right?
Rohini obviously has to know about the divorce from us first.
And you're going to do that now.
[comical dramatic music playing]
You're watching a person brush.
You really need to get a life.
Okay, Grandma.
[whispers] Go.
-Go, Arya. -No.
It's the right time. Why don't you go?
-She's busy. -Why can't you go?
-Because that's what we decided. -No.
[Arya's voice on phone] Rohini!
[in normal voice] Ro, uh, your father has something to tell you.
Yeah, for the longest time.
Why do you hold the book so close to your eyes?
You should keep it away, it's not good for your eyes.
-[Ro] Okay. -Yeah.
It's unfair, Arya. She has enough grudges against me already.
I don't want to be the bad cop in this.
You wanted a divorce, you go tell her.
-Really? -Yes.
I was happy. I was happy with everything.
I was happy with you even.
Hey, I'm a man.
It's easy for men to be happy, we're clinically happy.
Happy men are just people with low standards.
[bells chiming]
[phone mic chimes]
Unhappy women are wives with high standards.
-[laughing] -[indistinct chatter]
[woman 1] Special vegan pastries.
-You must have this. -[inaudible]
[slow jazz music playing on speakers]
[whispering in Hindi] Vegan kebabs for them.
[in English] Excuse me.
[waiter] Sir, empanadas for you?
This Jwala woman charges 10,000 rupees entry fees for this.
It's for battered women.
If they sell samosas for 10,000 rupees, they're bound to get battered. [scoffs]
Hello. Look who I found.
-Hello. Good evening. -Papa, Dr. Basu.
Dr. Suman Basu. I know.
The prime minister follows you on Twitter.
-[Arya] Used to. -Oh.
Oh?
Uh, just ignore him.
-He's just all the time… -[gasps]
Sorry. Um, actually, I'm too afraid of being Me-Too'd.
-Oh, yeah. [laughing] -[laughing]
Have you noticed how men have started using Me Too as an excuse
to talk about sex with women?
It's almost become a kink.
[woman 2] Dr. Basu?
Uh, excuse me. Mrs. Rekha Surekha from Delhi Women's Council is here.
So I'll quickly go and say hi to her. Please carry on.
-Jwala! -Oh, Bala, hi!
It was so difficult to get a hold of you. You were too busy.
-[Jwala] Oh, just so much to do. -[Bala] Anyways…
Everyone, meet my friends.
This is Bala.
He's into sustainable development, and he also works with
terminally ill children of migrant workers.
Mm-hmm.
And Ajith researches sustainable cotton farming.
And he also counsels suicidal farmers.
-Why don't you join us? -[Ajith] You sure?
-[Jwala chuckles] Yeah. It's my party. -[Ajith] Don't mind if I do then.
[Jwala] Come. Sit.
-So, did my friend contact you, Chandran? -[Ajith] Yeah…
They work with, like, Adivasi women, um…
-[in Hindi] Papa, are you okay here? -Hmm?
So far, so good. Why?
This crowd is sort of the NDTV-type.
You aren't going to start with your "what culture?"
[in English] You're asking me because
-of those two gay men at this table? -Shh.
Oh, come on. Just because I'm extra religious
that doesn't mean I'm not refined.
Some of my best friends are homos.
[Madhu in Hindi] Who?
[in English] I'll tell you later.
[clears throat] So, uh…
-Bottom gay… -[gasps]
…or top gay?
[Shruti whispering] Papa…
[Ajith in normal voice] What?
Is he being serious right now?
Ajith and Bala are getting married next month.
-Not legal, madam. -Uncle, they're Australian citizens.
And they're getting married in Sydney.
Why would you even bother to get married? Have we heteros not taught you anything?
[laughing]
So will you also be going for your honeymoon?
Yes, of course. To Sri Lanka.
-Well, work-cum-honeymoon, actually. -[Bala] Oh, yeah.
[Ajith] See, we run a foundation there that takes care of, uh, tsunami victims.
You should really see some of the people that come there.
This one guy that we take care of, for instance, he has no skin.
-[Jwala inhales deeply] -[Ajith] No skin.
The poor fellow, he was just lying on the beach,
minding his own business,
the tsunami comes along, drags him along the sand,
his skin just sorta like scrapes off and… [groaning]
[inhales deeply]
-[Jwala] Oh, my God. -[Ajith] Just terrifying.
You can't imagine the kind of pain these people go through.
It's just unfathomable.
Too painful.
-[Ajith] It's terrible. -[Jwala] Hmm.
[sighs]
I'm going to have dinner.
All the best for your marriage.
Excuse me.
Hey, uh, so tell me something.
When you guys meet,
you all must only be talking about stuff like this, right?
-What do you mean, "stuff like this"? -You know, this trauma and suffering.
-We care. -Yeah, we do.
-Yeah, but don't you think… -Arya, let go. Stop. Please?
…that there's been an over-articulation of trauma?
"Over-articulation of trauma"? [scoffs]
This is ridiculous.
Let go, Arya. Can we please have a pleasant evening?
What am I doing, Shruti?
I'm just trying to say that this woman enjoys the suffering of other people.
Like the domestic help she has, the battered woman.
Jwala--
You know, if anyone's sick in this room, it's you, Arya.
You're roaming around naked in front of little children
showing your beep-beep-beep!
Take it easy, okay?
I'm only walking around naked in the men's locker room.
[Jwala] Ugh!
I'm allowed to do that. It's a global code.
Really? With kids around?
Yeah, really, with kids around.
Arya, I too have a boy
whose childhood has been completely destroyed, thanks to you.
Basu, your son is old enough to grow pubic hair.
And he's the creep who's taking pictures inside the men's locker room.
Shruti, are you so powerless that you can't stop your husband
from parading his full-frontal nudity?
Hey, Bhumika, let's face it, okay? You just like talking about nudity.
It's all right. Every colony has one of those horny women,
-and it's okay to be that. -[women gasps]
It's healthy, it's fine, there's no problem with it.
Arya, stop annoying them, please.
I'm annoying them?
You know what? Let me tell you about my trauma.
Okay, let me tell you what I have to face every day in the men's locker room.
The floor is wet, it's slippery, I'm wearing this thick towel,
while I try to wear this tight underwear.
Now I'm aiming for the leg hole, my toe gets caught on the leg hole.
I don't have the balance, stumble forward, fall, hit my head on the ground,
and then there is subdural hematoma. Or I manage to aim well,
put one foot in, the other one in, and manage to pull it up.
Now the towel is all bunched up in my groin.
Now you pull out the towel, and you do that with a whip,
and it gives you a fabric burn
in your groin areas that's not supposed to be burning. So--
Enough, Arya, enough!
You are such a self-centered, self-absorbed, selfish asshole.
So full of yourself.
Can't I have one simple, pleasant evening out?
One, just one single evening without a bloody incident?
[inhales deeply] You never see his point.
You never have his back. You're never kind to him.
Everyone there was wrong.
Arya has all the rights to decide what he wants to wear and what not.
Those people do talk about sad stuff all the time.
They do over… Overact… Whatever.
But you still never take his side!
[Arya] Rohini.
[sighs]
Your mother has stood by me and defended me a lot.
Before you were born, after you were born.
But, baby, it's not easy to defend somebody like me.
Day in and day out, year after year.
And one shouldn't have to work so hard at love, right?
Look at you and me.
But it's been really tough for her.
And that's why we are separating.
[uneasy music playing]
[breath trembling]
[dramatic music playing]
-Mm-hmm. -[speaking indistinctly]
Wow. Your maid has an iPhone.
She's not my maid. She's my mom.
Oh.
[indistinct chatter]
[girl] Oh, my God.
[girls laughing]
[horn honking]
Hey.
I know of a brilliant hack.
Can I show you?
Look at this.
[sighs]
Hey.
Listen to me.
I promise you, nothing is going to change.
We're all going to be living together in this house happily for a long time.
Till you go to college.
Or till you run off with your boyfriend.
Or with your girlfriend.
Or with somebody who is gender-neutral.
We'll be fine.
We'll be just fine.
But you are getting a divorce?
Yes. And we're very, very, very sorry for this.
-So you will get married again? -No, we've suffered enough.
-Baby… -You know what?
-We are gonna throw a big party. In Goa. -Mm-hmm.
And we're gonna tell the whole world that divorce can be a happy thing.
Here you go. Your favorite dessert.
Yeah, right.
[suspenseful music playing]